Yep, it's crunch time. Data is conflicting, puzzle pieces are not fitting together, and I'm tired and not feeling smart enough to make my project work. The more I try to get my shit together for this meeting, I realize that I don't quite have my shit together in the least. I'm going to have to make do with what I have. I just wish it didn't have to be such a struggle.

Maybe my perceptions of "committee meeting as trial by fire" come from the first post-committee meeting happy hour I attended. I was a "freshman" and A., now Dr. A., three years my academic senior, had decided to celebrate at Bosco's. There I asked A., "What's a committee meeting like?" To which A. replied,
"It's like five people beating the crap out of you, until you're bloody and worn, and tired and just a heap on the floor."

Oh.

"And then, if it's a bad day, when you're down there they beat you into a bloody pulp some more until you can't get up again."

Oh.
......
However, my first two meetings have not been so bad. The first one was rough, but the second went a lot smoother (the word "pleased" was used three, count 'em THREE times in my review letter.)

Regardless, I get still grow ulcers at the thought of these meetings. Why?

Last week I asked the postdoc in my lab,
"Postdoc, at what point do committee meetings become just a regular meeting among peers, trading ideas and sharing opinions with colleagues, rather than feeling like the Inquisition?"

Postdoc replied, "I was scared of my committee at the day of my [thesis] defense."

Oh.

"In fact, I'm still kind of scared of them now."

Oh.

.......

Keeping my spirits up, among other things, are my plans for Saturday... it's outdoors, horse racing, big hats and drinking wine at 10 AM... Steeplechase! Hooray!

(I'm jealous of friends here that went up to the Derby this past weekend ... grr, silly committee meeting. Well, next year, hopefully.)